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With the holiday season almost upon us, we have the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, visit family, and spend some downtime with the people at work. It’s a wonderful time of year to relax and look back on the year for all its events, challenges and accomplishments. You’re thinking, Relax? He must be kidding. The holidays are a hectic time with the potential for all sorts of flare-ups, and if I get through this with half a measure of sanity then I can relax! Maybe relaxing during the holiday rush isn’t the easiest thing to do, but one thing you can do to make the season less stressful is to give up your need to be right. Now perhaps you’re thinking, WHY would I want to give up my need to be right? That’s an excellent question. We are trained from a very young age to be right. It’s how we gain power and get acceptance. Editorials; call-in shows; courtroom battles; terrorism; debates in coffee shops, classrooms, and in the bedroom are all fought on the battleground of being right. Let’s say you're arguing with your partner, your teenager, the clerk in the store where you are buying a gift, or the person who works with you. It turns into a tussle and you ARE right. No doubt about it. What then? Well, maybe what you are perceiving is correct, but being right is a defense and interpretation based on your point of view. A good question to ask yourself is; What does insisting on being right create? Better communication? Consensus? Team work? Understanding? Many times, we can’t give up the need to be right because we are addicted to defending, justification and evidence gathering. Here is a quote from the book, The Power of Belief (2004 Hampton Roads Publishing) - "Listen to the discussion in your mind when you can’t let it go. It’s all about what you did and what they did. Who should have done this or who should have done that. Who’s right and who’s wrong. It sounds like an argument. It sounds like a lawyer arguing a case. When lawyers come before the judge to plead a case, they provide evidence, cite precedent, and present an argument with one specific goal in mind. They are there to prove they are right. If you listen to what you say to yourself when you can’t let it go, what you hear is an argument about being right. You can’t let go because you need to be right.” When you insist on being right, stop and ask yourself this question, How does this feel? Is what I’m saying true - absolutely, without any shadow of a doubt? The reason to give up the need to be right is about emotional intelligence. Emotions are full of good information. Very often when you strip away the argument, the insistence on being right doesn’t feel very good. This holiday season take action to accomplish what needs to be done, protect your boundaries if you need to, but drop the protracted battles and give up your need to be right. Give up your need to be right because it nourishes better communication, consensus, teamwork, tolerance and understanding. Do it because it reduces stress. Besides, giving up the need to be right feels good. In 1996, after a chance meeting at the pyramid ruins in Teotihuacan, Mexico, Ray Dodd embarked on a 6-year apprenticeship with don Miguel Ruiz M.D. (author of the best-selling book, The Four Agreements). Now mentor, teacher, and author of The Power of Belief, he helps both individuals and organizations forge new beliefs and agreements to affect lasting and positive change. Ray can be reached at ray@everydaywisdom.us / http://www.everydaywisdom.us/ Property of everyday Wisdom 2004. All rights reserved. Reprint rights are granted to all venues so long as the article and by-line are reprinted intact.
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